The DiLauro Dossiers

You know Red Bull, right?
That slogan, Red Bull Gives You Wings
You know it, right?
It’s cool, upbeat, expressive
A lot to like, right?

After events of this weekend past,
I’m thinking Red Bull’s likability may have slipped—at least a bit.
And, I’m guessing Red Bull’s marketing department is breathing into a paper bag,
Just to stop the hyperventilation.
Let me tell you about it.

Red Bull is heavily into motorsports—so heavy that the company owns its own Formula 1 team.
Now picture yourself the head of Red Bull marketing and PR.
Your Red Bull team, this season, has the fastest cars,
Your Red Bull team has two talented—and marketable—drivers.
Your Red Bull team has, this year, better than an even chance of winning the championship.
And this weekend, your Red Bull team is racing at the prestigious British Grand Prix.

Now understand this,
Formula 1 is competitive—expensively so.
To stay ahead of the competition—Red Bull, for the British Grand Prix, fit a new part to each of its two cars.
Parts that make their fast cars even faster.
During a practice session, one of those new parts falls off the car—the one driven by a fellow named Vettel.
And there is no spare.
Except, that is, for the one affixed to the other car—the one driven by a fellow named Webber.

Before the race, management removes the part from Webber’s car and affixes it to Vettel’s machine.
In a sport where team evenhandedness and driver equality is a given, management’s maneuver is deemed a major faux pas.
Cries of favouritism, demands for explanation, and accusations of back-room politics arise from the sporting press, the rabid fan-base and the F1 community.
Webber is livid. Vettel attempts a low profile.
And Red Bull—the team with the best car, the coolest profile, and the championship in sight—is left spluttering weak-kneed explanations, and self-suffering denials.
How could it go so wrong?

Ah, but wait.
It gets worse.
During the race, Webber (the one who had the part confiscated) channels his fury and his focus to snatch—with a bold, brave move—the lead from Vettel.
Vettel (the recipient of the go-fast part) tries to defend and instead damages a tire.
He limps to the pits, and drops to last place.
Ultimately, Webber wins the race, and Vettel nets a seventh place finish.
Cries of poetic justice, instant karma, or just good old Aussie straight-dealing (Webber’s an Australian) emanate from the sporting press, the rabid fan-base, and the F1 community.
Leaving Red Bull—the team, and the drinks company—with a somewhat tarnished reputation.
How could it go so wrong?

But wait a minute,
Because, believe it or not,
It gets worse.
That spare part, the one that Red Bull management removed from Webber’s car.
Do you know what it was?
In a scene so tragic if it wasn’t so hilarious, so Kafkaesque if it wasn’t so true;
That spare part was, in fact…
…A wing—a wing that hangs so visibly from the front of an F1 car.

And now, thanks to a major management blunder,
Across the internet, addenda have been added to the now-infamous tagline.

Red Bull Gives you Wings…
…But only if your name is Vettel
…But then takes them away again
…Even if they’re not quite the same
…But only after it takes them from someone else

All of which makes me wonder if those Red Bull marketing and PR types are crying in their beer (or their Red Bull) tonight.

Ideas? Suggestions? Questions? Please leave a comment.

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